You likely sit in your room, rest, bathe, eat, and feel completely free since you know the rules and how far you can go for the good of family life. We still can’t read minds, nor can your son or daughter.
Compared with situation 2, if your child understands the rules, he will be able to move freely and be authentic, without fear, as long as those limits are consistent and protect personal and group well-being.
Another important aspect when setting limits is that once established, the reason behind them is explained, but when reminded, they should be directed without needing further details. A long argument in a risky situation can lead to confusion and loss of the sense of limit.
As they demonstrate responsibility by taking specific actions, the boundaries will loosen as their purpose will be understood. Sometimes the limits will still exist, but we will no longer be responsible for enforcing them because it will not be necessary. Our children will understand and use them.
This does not imply that in the future, we will once again have the responsibility to enforce it, remember that the second important factor of the limit is implementing them.
Don’t be afraid to set limits again
When we repeat behaviors that we were told are part of the role of a mother or father and do not question them, we likely believe that it is a weakness to set limits again since it is a lack of authority. How many times did you listen to others or hear yourself say? “How many times do I have to repeat it to you? ”; the answer is: as many times as necessary, and it will also be done in the same way as the first time, calmly, in a conciliatory and firm manner. Click here to read about an exercise that avoids repeating behaviors without question.
An example of this can be seen in the field of cooking. When we start teaching our children to cook, a straightforward and typical rule is that they do not use sharp kitchen utensils. These are reserved for adults only. Over time, this rule is relaxed, allowing them to use them under adult supervision until they reach the point where they can handle the cookware without supervision.
However, at some point, they invite their friends over and, excited by the visit, begin to take the kitchen utensils as toys. In that case, it is necessary to take back the responsibility of setting limits and explain to them that their behavior was not responsible or safe for themselves or themselves. For this reason, “you will not be able to use the utensils again when there are visitors since you have shown that you cannot handle the situation with an additional variable.”
Over time, they may be able to use utensils with complete autonomy, but it is crucial ALWAYS to set limits. This is the way to accompany and care for our children.